Vive La Revolution

Stage One: Advertising Perversion

Six Flags--More Flags, More Fun

Plan of Action: Open New Amusement Park
Name: Eight Flags
Slogan: More Flags, More Fun

Let the Rebellion Begin . . .

It's Been A While

And I don't have anything brilliant or witty or worthwhile to say. But I am alive. And just wanted to let cyberspace know.

Why Horatio Caine is a horrible hostage negotiator and victim sympathiser

If you've ever watched CSI: Miami, you know Horatio Caine makes a good case for a new kind of Tourette's syndrome. The symptoms would be repetitions of entire lines or of a persons name. The repetition is preceded and followed by a dramatic pause. Then the sufferer compulsively puts on sunglasses. As a result, a patient diagnosed with Caine Tourette's is rarely seen at night and favors sunny climes. Other possible symptoms or side-effects of the syndrome is 100% accurate aim with any kind of fire arm in any situation and a unswerving drive to discover the truth even when it is none of your business. Although this diagnosis seems to make the perfect soldier or interregator for desert warfare, it is advised that a person with Caine Tourette's be kept away from others who are: short-tempered, of an average or above average intelligence, fully capable of remembering events that occur 5 seconds ago, hiding valuable/highly-classified information, etc. especially when they have a weapon of any sort as these person's may become highly agitated and hostile at the constant repetition of their name or badly written threats. Who knows how or why this syndrome came to be. My supposition is that David Caruso's contract requires him a certain number of lines per episode and because the writers of CSI: Miami are so unoriginal that the only way to meet their obligation is to endlessly repeat meaningless lines.

All I know was if Horatio Caine was speaking to me in an attempt to prevent me from shooting someone or to comfort me in my time of loss. . . I would only be aggravated more and end up shooting or stabbing him or myself. There is nothing calming about his voice or slow pauses. The whole show is a joke, evident in the fact that Caine is not an anomaly in CSI's fictional Miami. Most of the other characters suffer from some form of speech disorder ranging from the inablity to maintain a believable accent (Calleigh Ducesne, supposedly from Louisiana) and uncontrollable mumbling (Eric Delco). No one sounds intelligent, so they make a pretty good team.

It may be a joke, but it sure is a funny one.