Undergrad Secrets

When I came to college, I was not locked into a major. When I applied, I wanted dance. The first week of school, I wanted to rehabilitate serial killers. A month in, I thought I'd prefer working with emotionally distressed teens. Then I bounced around some other professions before I settled on English at the last possible second.

What nobody tells you about is all the listserv messages you miss by being an undeclared student. If I had been receiving these major specific emails, I would have heard about the Undergrad English Students group, publication opportunities and Student Media. Then I could have had my life consumed and my GPA suffering long before my senior semester.

My tip: Even if you don't know what your major is, try to sign up for as many message boards, listervs and bulletins that you can.

I was at first hesitant about living in on-campus housing. Especially as I was 21 and had experienced living on my own before I went to college. But my lack of driving ability and car made it impossible for me to choose another option. What I discovered though were two close friends and an awesome community living experience. Both have continued to be my roommates for the rest of my college life, completely eliminating the awkward random roommate assignment.

My tip: Live on whatever on-campus housing is available. If there are group specific floors, it's a good way to ease into public living with people who have simlar experience or interests. If it sucks your first year, you've got three more to go and try alternative housing.

Food on-campus is often issue . . . but not for me. Stop bitching and just eat it. It kind of grows on your.

Sleep is good. Get some. Even if you have to sacrifice the quality of your paper. Paper is perishable, Sleep is eternal.

The library is a good for place for books. If you are an English major, try to stay away from here. Inevitably you will find 100 books you want to read and turn your 1-hour of study time into endless book skimming and maxing out your lending limit. Besides, my experience shows that close reading your source text is preferred to hundreds of secondary sources (unless it is specifically a research paper, of which I have had 2 as an English major).

Student Unions. . . . unless they serve alcohol I'd stayed away.

Campus Clinic. No matter what is wrong with you, they have a drug to fix it. Do not stay in your room spreading germs to everyone living in the dorm. This is how stomach flu epidemics get started and they start putting Purell everywhere, covering keyboards in Saran Wrap, and revoking salad bars (yes, this really happened). If the clinic is free there's no reason not to go. You know you're just going to skip class anyway, why not make it less miserable by getting drugs. . . (prescription that is)

Stone Angels

Not suspended but sinking
Not sinking but falling
Not falling but approaching
Not approaching but receding
Not receding but ascending
Not ascending but diving
Not diving but flying
Not flying but swimming
Not swimming but windmill
Not windmill but waterfall
Not waterfall but sky
Not sky but sea
Not sea but listen
Not listen but touched
Not touched but saved
Not saved but stoned
Not stoned but flown
Not flown but lifted
Not lifted but dropped
Not dropped but delivered
Not delivered

It's been a long time (long time)

I shouldn't have left you, left you

Without a dope beat to step to, step to

It's not that there hasn't been plenty to update about.  I mean VoxPop has even been to NYC and back.  Not to mention the first VoxPop of the semester has been published and building stellar excitement at the Job and Internship Fair.

And I've been busy as hell.  (who isn't these days?)

And a laptop can only do so much without internet access.  (Can someone explain to me why the Marriot in Time Square doesn't have free wireless when the Holiday Inn in BF Tennessee does?)

So what's my first topic back from my non-vacation but long break nonetheless?

Court Tv (or currently known as TruTv)

If you know me, you know my absurd Court Tv obsession.  Unless I can find something mildly entertaining for long periods of times, Court Tv is my station.  Anyway, today, upon awaking, I was watching a bit of Court Tv.  They have about 100 of those surveillance camera shows.  You know, they usually show car chases, hold-ups, and dumb criminals.  And I began thinking. . . Wouldn't it be smart for criminals to watch shows like these to improve in their chosen career field?

I mean . . . maybe CSI or Law and Order would be too fictional . . . And Forensic Files might be too advanced for the average stick-up guy.  But these surveillance camera shows are really quite simple.  Watch and Learn essentially.

For example . . . If you get pulled over by the cops, don't argue.  Especially when you are hiding 50lbs of mary jane in the trunk.  Cover your face BEFORE you enter your intended store target.  Ceiling tiles cannot support the weight of a full-grown man.  This goes double for when you're drunk.

Those are pretty simple, I think, but you would be surprised how often these mistakes get repeated.  I mean, if I were a criminal, I would splurge the extra bucks for cable to get Court Tv, and avoid already failed plans.  And watching Most Shocking or World's Wildest Police Chases won't have too many long words.  But plenty of horrible puns.

So that was short.  Sweet.  And pointless.

Welcome back.

Oh Look, A Movie Review

Aside from getting little to no work down but still spending nearly 24 hours in the office . . . I haven't done much.

But today I saw a movie.  Bah!  Is my response.  We saw Vantage Point.  The general problem with this (aside from the look on Dennis Quaid's face in the car chase scenes, and the loving glances between him and President William Hurt at the end) is that 50% of the movie is the same 20 minute period played over and over again unnecessarily.  IMO the same intrigue and suspense could have been made with simultaneous story-telling the fracturing added nothing, nither artistically nor in entertainment.  But otherwise it was fine.  Could of used more explanation about why the terrorists were terrorist (but,in reality, do we really care?)

There was another problem with the whole night.  The fact that I really wanted to see a movie in the theater and  there were no horror movies out.  And even though it's been almost a month since I've last been to the theater, I had seen most of the previews (the ones I hadn't seen were lame).  Are these still the effects of the writers' strike?

BTW just saw a commercial for Vantage Point. . . "Keeps you guessing from beginning to end"  only because they purposely obscure the truth.  IMO something that keeps me guessing is a movie where everything is out in the open but still a mystery.  That is a real thriller.  For example, Firewall or Fracture.  Those were suspenseful.  Those kept me guessing.

But my taste in movies have been questioned before. . .

Those Crazy Kids at VoxPop!!

I can't thank everyone enough!  This was a lot of fun and it looks great!

Special Big Thanks to our Friends at Connect Mason

VoxPop Careers from Whitney Rhodes on Vimeo.

"The prince cannot come: he has cut his throat with a razor"

I quote Nabokov because it's part of the reading for the class that I should be attending.  But since I'm not (attending, that is), I figured a tribute is good enough.  And it's politic and thus sets the theme (for the rest of this blog).

For years, I've been talking about starting my own country.  I am currently working on that plan on several levels.  I keep my eyes open for countries or islands up for sale.  And I am writing a manifesto.

You may be asking, "Why so long to create such a simple statement of governmental beliefs?"

But it is a long process to match the concepts with the fitting language.  And to pin down something that, by nature, resists pinning.  But, as many have been waiting long, here's a rough draft of ideas.

Government: Federal, State, and Local

Me.  If you don't like it, tough.  I am not elected but I am basically irreproachable. 

Citizenship

is offered to those whom I like.  If I don't like you, you can't get in.  Likeness is ascertained by many factors: i.e. level of idiocy, taste, favorite foods, common sense, and awesome points.   Awesome points can be earned but do not overpower strong failings in other arenas.  Citizenship may be rejected or rejected for you. Also, the rules of citizenship maybe changed at any time by me.

Taxes

Since there will be no money, there will be no taxes.  Sustainability will be earned from the land and exchanged in an environment of free will and good intentions.  Not the kind of good intentions that pave the road to hell but the other kind.  Fair bartering will be over seen by the Trade Commissioner. Private property will be few and fair between; again determined by the TC.  So just in case you missed it:

Economy=Communism/Socialism (or my own special form of both)

Trade Commission and it's officers.

Me and me.

Diplomacy and Embassies 

As the innovator of muffin (or other gift) basket diplomacy, this will, of course, be our mainstay of international affairs policy.  Therefore, we will have no need for armed forces or securities of any kind as every nation will love our delicious muffins (or other gifts).  You will need no passport or visas to come or go.  If I forget your name or face, entry into the country will be denied until memory is restored.  Did I mention I was head of customs and immigration?  The embassy is my palatial palace.  Where there are plenty of couches for asylum seekers to crash and bottles of vodka to aid negotiations.

That's pretty much all I've got right now.  I'm working on the name and the dissolving clause.  The dissolving clause either explains what happens to the country when my reign ends (at my death) or what happens to old laws when I decide they've out lived their usefulness.  

In order to gain investors (to get the capitol to purchase the island and/or country) I'm thinking of building a model country.  But that may have to wait till I have more of my manifesto created.  And perhaps a mission statement.  I'm thinking something along the lines of:

Puhnkonia: Defying Capitalist Pig Dogs and Dodging Outdated Bureaucracy by Embracing the Commie Bastard Within.

Actually, I'm not sure if that's a mission statement, a motto, or a bumper sticker. Either way, I'm pretty damned sure it will make a great country!

See you on the flip side.

puhnk

Awsedome and Muffin Basket Diplomacy

Yes, that is a word that I just made up.  But I'm pretty sure it refers to the kingdom of Awesome. 

It is probably the place where Spring break resides.  And therefore, I will be visiting next week.  The best part about that trip is that I don't have to get dressed or leave my couch.

In actuality, I'm not going anywhere.  No beach.  No exotic location.  Not even out of state.  Which is alright by me.  Because my parents' house has everything you need to survive: HBO on demand, near-by Blockbuster, and of course alcohol. 

But that's still a week away.

Voting in Texas and Ohio tomorrow/today (depending on time zone).  I can't vote in that.  Though oddly enough I have lived in both places.  Any . . .Who knows what will happen?  Or what it will mean when it does happen?  I don't think Hillary will leave the race till she is kicked out.  And Obama should only pull out if Hillary kicks his ass (which I'm pretty sure we all agree cannot happen at this point).  So, they should just combine campaigns.  Make one Super Candidate that all those Super Delegates can vote for.  Then Clinton could get out of those super bitch suits and into spandex tights (though I don't know which is better).

But that leads me to ask: who is the super villain?  I think the answer might be ourselves.  Wait, no, more accurately, the current administration (which, btw, is indirectly ourselves, since we voted him in).  With Fidel Castro gone, Saddam cold and buried, and Al-Qaeda practically a fairy tale. . . There seems to be no one evil entity.   There are countries that concern us: Iraq (again us), Iran, Pakistan, North Korea, Venezuela.  Then, of course, there is always poverty, famine, AIDS, global warming, and natural disasters to worry about.  But these are all really vague issues looming off in the horizon.  Ones that have been hanging around for years.  But then so had the others before a president chose to pick on one. 

So, who will the next administration choose to unite a nation against?  Whoever they pick will suddenly materialize.  Become an immediate threat.  Then I would have no problem remembering the names of presidents/dictators or the numerous sins they've commit.  My roommate insists that it will be Iran.  That by the time Bush's presidency is over, he will have already taken some stupid course of action.  I think that he doesn't really want to be named the worst president of all time, so he might do the smartest thing of his presidency and NOT attack someone.  

But my hope (even if it is audacious) is that whoever becomes president will not make big bad boogeyman super villains out of our "enemies" or rivals or whatever they are.  My hope is that the next president will be truly diplomatic with all nations, troubled, poor, friendly or not.   That there will be open lines of communication and real sensible aid or negotiations.  I hope that he or she will rebuild the respect of our nation in other places, because America has a great ideal it could live up to and that should be respected, and build a respect within our own nation for other cultures and ways living.  I think even showing real respect, not polite political lip service, would go a long way to repairing international relations.  That and a muffin basket.